March 19th, 2025 - "My white abode!"

Heyyy, I'm back once again at 2AM!!!!! This is probably the first blog post where the quote has little to do with what it's about, but I'm absolutely loving the song where it's from! It is from the song "Sorry, You're Not a Winner" by Enter Shikari. I only really listened to it because my next set for my radio show is going to be scene music, and Enter Shikari are a band I know from that time period (although I didn't listen to them when I was going through my scene phase!). The quote is just there because I'm obsessed with the vocalists clean vocals during the part where he sings "my white abode", it's genuinely such a hot voice lmfao. Anway, I'm on spring break now! I've returned to my "white abode", aka my house.

I mostly just wanted to update what's been happening since my last blog! I've been slowing down on the blogging, which is probably a good think since I'm sooooo good at oversharing (I do my best to stop doing that lol!). I started journaling a lot more, which definitely helps keep my inside thoughts as inside thoughts. I'm going to actually have some counseling in a couple weeks, both for general stuff going on but also for treatment for ADHD. It also helps that things are starting to look better in my life (for the most part). Of course, I can't 100% bounce back from life striking me down with a hammer, but I can certainly try!.

I will say, I've been having a lot of fun recently, especially the last few days! I feel like I'm generally being more productive in terms of school stuff (reaching out to my professors, actually turning assignments in, etc.), which is always a great thing. I also got a lot of time to spend with my friends before spring break started.

Firstly, the weather was so nice last week that my school's skate club met up again, and I got to ride my board for the first time in a few months! It really is like riding a bicycle, you never forget (except I never learned to ride a bike...). It was also awesome because I got 8 hours of sleep for the first time in like a month, which, in tandem with the weather, felt like pure euphoria. I got to speak again with my members of skate club, which was very nice, and I came out to them, and obviously they were supportive (like, it would be quite embarrassing to be a skating club and not support trans people, like that's an entire demographic of people who skate). We met a few times last week, which was really nice, and I hope the weather stays nice when I go back after spring break. I will say, skating really does hype you up like no other thing that I've done before. Like, the confidence boost you get from getting back on your board after a while and riding it out needs to be studied.

Later that week, I did my first late night set on a whim, just because I wanted to play explicit music, and because I was going to be in the station anyway for my friend's 12AM-2AM set, I did an 11PM-12AM set, and it was a lot of fun! I decided to create an alternate persona, which may even become something I do lore for (maybe an ARG? That would require people to actually give a fuck I guess, but it's worth thinking about). I made an evil version of myself (that kinda already existed, but we'll just say that this was the origin story) who plays evil music (literally no different from what I normally play except the songs swore). I am going to do an April Fool's Day set under that persona, and it definitely will be cringe, but I don't really care how cringe I'm perceived (that much) anymore.

Anyway, after my set, a lot of my friends (and their friends) were in for my friend's (yes, I used the word friend a lot, I don't want to reveal too much personal info anymore OK!) set, and we didn't even leave the station until like 3AM. It was nice though because I got to have a chat with people I won't be able to see until next week. It's very strange how I've never really missed people, but for some reason, it's always my friends that I miss. Like, when I first went to college, I missed my friends back home soooooo much, but I don't even feel that way with relatives a lot of the time. Most of the time, it's out of sight, out of mind, but when it comes to people I'm used to chatting with everyday, not seeing them for a while makes me sad :(

I got sidetracked again, whoops! Once spring break officially started, I still came back up to the city (not NYC!) to see a couple of shows on the weekend. I will say, the first show I went to on Saturday, I definitely WENT to the show, but tbh, I kinda like, missed half the show. The friends that were going to go couldn't make it, so I was really at it alone, which is fine with me, but I didn't bring my camera, so I just had to try to enjoy a show of bands I only know a little bit. I saw another friend of mine, and we just kinda chatted the whole time (a lovely chat, and honestly was probably better than the show tbh, I heard that the crowd from the area tends to be a bunch of dickheads anyway). It felt nice to talk to a friend I hadn't really had a one-on-one with in a while. Still, I feel like I can definitely be very annoying in a one-on-one, as I still am not medicated for ADHD! I was also just not feeling generally well that night, so that probably contributed, but goddamn I really need to like, get better at social engagements!

Sunday was even better because all my friends could come out to the show! I also enjoy the bands on the setlist more, so I had a really good time overall. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I swear to God every time I try to have a good time I am literally cursed to have something bad happen to someone I know (rarely am I ever the one that has bad shit happen, mostly just people I care about). It worked out fine anyway, but my mom had some medical emergency thing happen to her while I was at the show. She should be fine now, but I swear this stuff always happens when I'm trying to have a good time.

Even still, I had a really good time Sunday. The show was awesome, probably tied for my favorite one I've seen, as the bands kicked ass the whole way through. I was definitely yappy that day, but I can't tell if that was because I was excited to see my friends or if my *caffeine intake had something to do about it. I also went all out in the mosh pit, which I don't normally do, but the band that played was so good that I just had to. I definitely got my ass kicked HARD though, I was sore after that show.

That day was also a friend of mine's birthday, so to celebrate we went to a Friendly's afterward to get some ice cream. I then was drove home by another friend of mine and we had a really nice conversation on the way back to my house.

Monday, yesterday, was also a really good day because I stayed over at a friend's (friend from back home now) house like I normally would, as he's off of work this week. We went on a walk in the middle of the night, played a game of "run and hide from the cars on the road to make sure they don't see us because we're pretending they're all after us". Doesn't really roll off the tongue now does it lol? We started having a good conversation generally, and I was trying to push it in the direction of coming out as trans, but it didn't really work. I'm sure he is accepting of trans people at this point, especially after the discussion, him owning Call Me By Your Name on DVD (not exactly a trans movie, but like, it's definitely something I wouldn't expect a homophobic/transphobic person to own), and a whole as Chappell Roan poster (like, maybe he's a little bit of faggot actually). Still, I didn't find a good time to really tell him about it. It's clear that he at least leans a bit to the left in terms of politics (which is based) but at the same time, transphobia is incredibly relevant in today's society.

Tuesday morning we were going to go to a coffee shop, but for some reason the shop is closed on Tuesday's???? We stopped at a gas station, and I got my fill of caffeine again (I drank another Monster (the energy drink) again :( and on an empty stomach, yeah I'm expecting and early grave). Then we went skating at a small local skate park. I realized very quickly that when you haven't really skated in a while, it's really fucking hard to skate at a skate park. I immediately fell, which really soured the rest of the trip because, while I'm resilient, and part of skating is the falling and getting back up anyway, when I fall, I get HURT. It also doesn't help when you are sore from a show that happened a couple days before... I was in so much pain after falling, but I got some solid pictures (hopefully, still need to develop them) and had a good day overall.

After I went home, I kinda just did nothing the rest of the day, other than just grinding out an assignment I really needed to get done. I also started watching Invincible season 3, and it better be as peak as everyone is saying it is. A review might end up going on this site if I actually care to go through with that, if not, ignore this!

Sorry for yapping so much, if you actually care enough to read through all of this. I feel like most people blog like, a list of what they did throughout the week and how they're feeling, and then I'm just over here explaining everything in great detail.

Minus the notes at the end, the last thing I have to say is that I'm cooking up some really good stuff for this site. You can probably see the layout changes (unless I change them again, then you'll have no idea what I'm talking about), and also the addition of the favorites section, where I've started working on the Left 4 Dead shrine, which is going to be awesome. Also, if you were involved with the OG Left 4 Dead 2 boycott in some way or another, PLEASE contact me (with proof), I've been doing a lot of research on this topic, and I would absolutely love it if someone involved could have a chat or something with me. The odds of someone who was involved in the 2009 boycott of Left 4 Dead 2 being on Neocities, seeing my site, and reading my blogs is literally ZERO, but where there's a will there's a way!

*P.S.: I think my non-stop yapping and being bad has something to do with my caffeine intake, but that could just me blaming everything on something other than myself. Like, Saturday was the first time I had almost any caffeine in over a week, and I was very yappy then, and on Sunday, I drank an entire Monster (the energy drink) (to most people that's probably not that crazy, but for me, I've only ever drank small energy drink cans, only to get a small fix of caffeine), but that was because I wanted to feel energized after hearing about my mom's medical emergency, and also because a friend of mine was getting a Monster (the energy drink) so I decided to join her (I plan on doing a Monster (the energy drink) tier list at some point, so be on the lookout in the future!). But my main point is that I am very yappy and don't really think about what I say before I say it when I'm on caffeine... Or maybe I just do that all the time and the caffeine has nothing to do with it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

P.P.S.: While I don't consider myself to be spiritual necessarily, if there is some being out there that is trying to teach me a lesson, the lesson of this week is to just DO IT. If you are fearing doing something really bad, the worst outcome is you not going through with it. You will always just feel regret that you never tried. Very, very corny, and very much something people hear all time time, but it honestly was true this week. There were a lot of times I was scared to do something, but I just went through with it because even a negative outcome is better than no outcome (90% of the time, does not apply to hyper-specific situations).

Thanks for reading this wall of text if you did! And if you didn't, that's whatever, you still engaged with the page, which helps my website out regardless! Thanks.

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