April 2/3rd, 2025 - "It's even funny when you stop to realize I'm just nineteen"
Today (technically yesterday, the 2nd) was my 19th birthday!!!! Yippie! I'm out the torturous hell that is being 18. Goddamn did that take a really long time. 18 felt like the longest age of my entire life, yet it wasn't the worst age I've ever been. I could do a ranking, and I mean the 2nd of April is already World Autism Awareness Day, but I'm not going to do a ranking of the ages I've been because that may even be too autistic even for my standards. (16, 17, 11, 12, and 13 are definitely in the bottom five in no particular order).
I had a pretty nice and chill birthday for the most part. I don't normally go home on weekdays, but I of course had to open my presents. I got a Fender Squier electric guitar, which I know is on the cheaper end but it's still really solid, especially just for beginning, and an amp and stuff! I also got some money which is nice (I need to not blow it all on band merch and show tickets, but it's kinda hard not to! I need to by stuff to affirm my gender!!!!! (I could just beg and plead my friends to give me stuff I guess, but I HATE being a leech, even if they are 100% willing to)).
After dinner and ice cream cake (which unfortunately has my deadname on it, as you would probably expect), I went to a hardcore show at No Fun again! I MIGHT do a proper review of the show, but it wasn't one that was incredibly important to review. The bands were quite good, it was No Division, Wet the Rope, and Spiritkiller playing on a random Wednesday night at No Fun, but I'm all for it. It was a pretty last minute decision for me to go, but I still had a really good time, and I especially fucked with Spiritkiller's set (even though it's the same material basically every time since they just dropped a new album). "Falling Man" is definitely my favorite track off of it, and it definitely is helped by how fun it is to scream along the lyrics during the bridge!
I kind of had a second dinner after the show, where I went to this local burger place. I didn't eat all that much there, but the chocolate shake we all got was fucking amazing, and I NEED to get more from there after that. I also would like to shout out didelphidae because he bought me food and my ticket at the door (this is probably the third or fourth time he's been linked on my website lol) and star-specimen because she drives me places.
Overall, a pretty fun 19th birthday.
Other stuff going on in my life
It's been a while since my last blog, so I'll catch everyone up to speed I guess. I'm on meds now! Specifically an SSRI, more specifically Zoloft, so let's hope I start to see some improvement in my mood in the next month! It was quite a journey to get to it because I took the wrong fucking bus to go to where I was trying to go, so I ended up walking more than if I just chose to walk to the pharmacy. My mom also questioned me about it, which gave me a lot of anxiety (ironic that the day I was picking up meds that will help with my anxiety and depression had a lot of anxiety and depression!). I took the first dose of it this morning (or I guess yesterday morning), which is pretty interesting. I can't tell if the medication is causing me to feel drowsy, the fact that I am definitely going through caffeine withdrawal (don't worry, I'll never kick this fucking addiction), or a mix of the two. Other than that, there's not much life updates yet, except for the shows I went to last week, which you can check out my reviews of them here.
On a side note, I guess I'll just throw a list of goals I have now that I am 19. These are not things that NEED to happen per se, but where I would like to be at by the time I turn 20 in a year! I would like to get a job over the summer (almost 99% guaranteed), get back to driving again (I haven't driven a car in ages, and I still don't have my license), potentially get into a relationship/experience sex (even if it's just a bit of a fling, I want to at least fool around with someone I like, you know what I mean? Plus, I want to eat someone out so badly, you don't even understand), eventually get to a point where I can come out safely, become a goth baddie, make close friendships, and get better at social interactions!
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