May 4th, 2025 - "So welcome to my little corner of the world"

I haven't done a blog in a little while, so I'm gonna try to update with the stuff going on in my life (to the best of my ability according to how good my memory is). This blog is mostly just going to be abstract thoughts unrelated to each other, but stuff that happnened mostly in order the past week!

As of me writing this post, it's been exactly one week since my last blog went up. Since then, I've had some conversations with my mother, and I think she's a little bit more understanding now. I haven't brought up the trans stuff, but that's because it's going on the backburner for a bit until I can comfortably get away. I think my therapist helped quite a bit with that, since I honestly wouldn't have even tried to get my point across to my mother how I was feeling, and if I did I would have done a way worse job.

Honestly, this week, I felt more normal. I didn't really partake in the academic side of things (I have to lock in this week heavily!!!), but I definitely got the social side of things down at this point. I feel like the people I'm around genuinely like me as I am and that's a very good feeling. I feel like an equal and not like a nuisance that people keep around because they feel bad. I'm going to miss my friends SOOOOOOO much over summer, it's very sad :(

Big things are happening at the radio station as well, as elections for next semester's chief administration were going on. My good friend won being the general manager of the station!!!!! I'm so happy for him, and I'm so happy for the next chief admin because it's going to be SOOOO good, and I'm not just saying that because they are my friends. They legitimately have the drive, the creativity, and the love to do really great things, and I'm so excited for the next year to see how awesome the station is going to get.

On Wednesday, my college had a Showcase Day, where there weren't really classes, but many students, both graduate and undergraduate, had showcases of their works, whether it be art, an essay, a presentation, a class they plan to teach, etc. for people to go to and enjoy. See, I didn't HAVE to go to any presentations, and I could have just slept in that day, but instead I got up at 8:00AM. I was going to get up that early anyway, since a class of mine was giving extra credit to go to the showcase, I had to go, no matter how early it was (9:15AM!!!, which to put in perspective, the earliest I get up normally is 9:30AM!). Also, a friend of mine had his presentation at 9:00AM, and I was going to be up anyway, so I decided I should go to his as well. It was also a big motivator on getting up because I know me. I would rather get sleep than get good grades, but if I think I'll let a friend down if I don't show up (even though it would be literally no hard feelings if I missed it), I will go no matter the circumstances. It was a cool presentation, but I couldn't stay for the Q&A that was happening later because I needed those bonus points! I actually really enjoyed all of the showcases I attended that day, and I think they all really made me think, and overall were very fun to see. Later, I went with a couple of friends to a record store, just for the fun of it since I didn't have class that day, and I picked up two CDs! I got "Seasons in the Abyss" by Slayer, since it's my second favorite Slayer album, just a little bit behind "Reign in Blood" of course, and "10,000 Days" by TOOL, since that is a favorite of my dad's. In fact, it came out the same year I was born, so he would religiously listen to the CD when I was a baby. I also had forgotten to mention that one of the friends I went with had bought my "Document #12", the split LP between pageninetynine and Majority Rule on vinyl, on record store day (I think?) which was very awesome of him!

Thurday was interesting because there was the official transfer of power between the previous chief administration and the new chief adminstration at the radio station. It was also an interesting because the former General Manager (not from this year, but from the year before I joined) wanted to visit the station, which was awesome because I had never met him. Everyone seemed to love him, and the feeling was definitely mutual. He was a really cool guy, and I can definitely see why he was so loved (even though he was apparently strict) as General Manager. I also made amends with a friend, which was very nice to not have that weight on my shoulders anymore. I'm fine with drama (I'm queer, of course I love hearing tea) but I hate being the one involved, so it's nice to not have to care anymore.

On Friday, I finally got my septum piercing that I've been wanting for so long! It was way less painful than I thought it would be! It definitely helped that I went with a friend, since she had gotten several piercings by this lady before and her piercing was probably more painful than mine to be honest. The lady didn't really get the memo that I was trans, but to be honest, I was in a good mood that day so I just didn't really care about all the "sirs" and the he/him pronouns. I mean, I feel like when your name is different on the appoinment calendar than your ID, some bells should start ringing, but I don't care that much. It's honestly funny that coming out takes enough effort for me, and I'm just too lazy, so I just don't really say anything if they don't get it. I then went to a nearby restaurant for dinner, and it was good. I really like getting to have one-on-one conversations with my friends because they don't feel as overwhelming as group conversations. I feel like I can talk to the person and be understood and heard, rather than what tends to happen with friends where I say something, but no one was paying attention, or they didn't hear me.

I went home this weekend, which is not something I wanted to do, but I had to since Saturday was the day my family was hosting a party for my cousin and his wife-to-be at our house, and I couldn't miss it. I would've been mostly fine without my family having to constantly mention my septum piercing, and not in a positive light. I fucking hate backhanded compliments so much it makes my blood boil. When you say "it doesn't look terrible" it makes me want to rip out your hair one-by-one. I didn't get a piercing for you, I got it for me, bitch! I also got it because to be honest, I like some of the attention I get for it! I got more likes on my Instagram story about my septum piercing than any other story I've ever posted. I even got people who messaged me about it, including one of my alt baddie sort-of friends from high school (who I was madly into) who talked to me for the first time in a while (discounting birthday wishes), and she said it looked great! She also gave me some tips too! (Note: I'm not pulling her at all, she's got a boyfriend, and she ain't even know I'm trans yet, although I still would but shhhhh).

I think that sums up the week pretty much. I'm excited for next week, but I'm also scared cause like, this semesters almost over and I'm not ready for that! At least I might be able to hang out with at least one of my friends over summer break, since he does not live far from me at all! Being a stealth trans girl will suck, but I think I can make it through break, then I might start estrogen when I come back in the fall!!!

P.S.: I think I'm gonna add a collection section to the site over break, since I think it'd be fun to show off my CDs and vinyl records and give reviews of them. Also, I finally got my photos from the lab, so I will eventually be adding that stuff to the photography section of the site when I get the chance!

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