May 15th, 2025 - "Everything seems better now"

So, I've been busy the last week or so. Like a lot of stuff has happened since my last blog, and I'm excited to get it all out now!

I wanted to write this sooner, but I had several final papers and a final exam to be focusing on, which obviously is a bit more important than a silly little website! Now that I'm all done with that, it's summer break, and I already miss being back at college lol. I feel like I had way more independence and privacy there, and I don't really get that much alone time as I do when I'm at college.

Recent updates before I recap the week, I suppose, is that I'm becoming a filthy j*b haver. I now am technically employed, but I don't start training until next Sunday. At least I'll have income so I live out my transgender dreams, and not have to worry about my fuck ass family situation and begging for money. I wish I could spend my first paycheck on estrogen or something, but unfortunately, it's quite difficult to hide that kind of stuff from my parents. I'm already having to hide all my girl stuff away from them, and it's unfortunate, but I have to live with this for the time being.

At least everything isn't THAT bad. I miss my friends, but I still feel a bit connected to them through the lovely thing called the Internet! I honestly don't know if I could have gotten through my final paper that I was working on last night if it weren't for their words of encouragement (and also being told to stop playing Nubby's Number Factory, which is quite the video game to have an addiction to lmfao

Also, to spice things up in the blog, here's 25 albums I've listened to recently, some of which are ones I hadn't heard yet, and others are one's that I re-listened to:

(click to make it larger)

Back to the regularly scheduled programming. Since my last blog, I had a bit of a nice (mostly) girls night where I drank a margarita for the first time! I got a bit drunk, and I told myself I wouldn't, but I'm at a point where I will only do it on special occasions with friends! I also did my last radio show of the semester, which I was very sad to do, and I really wish I could do more over the summer, but I can't drive yet! I live close enough where it wouldn't be such a bad drive to get there, but I would need a driver's license and a car, two things I do not currently have.

Last week, I did a lot of hanging out with my friends before leaving to go back home, namely on the 8th/9th because of all that transpired those days/nights! The night of the 8th, technically the morning of the 9th, a friend of mine did a really long late night show from ~2AM-6AM, which was incredibly fun to hang out for. I tried prepping myself for that late of a night of staying up by fueling my caffeine addiction and packing two Redbulls (of the watermelon variety, my favorite) and two Dr. Pepper's, along with some Oreos as a snack for when I got hungry! It was a very fun night of hanging around friends, listening to fire emo music, and having the most random conversations ever. I was incredibly eepy after that wonderful night. It was very interesting to be leaving the radio station when the sun had come up (it was raining and fully overcast, so it wasn't really sunny or anything, but it was still quite bright out! Later that night was one of the biggest highlights of my life to be completely honest.

May 9th was the night of the vs self & Punxsutawney show that I had been looking forward to essentially the entire semester! It was even more awesome because the original openers dropped out, and my friend's band, Gas Leak, filled in for them, which was ABSOLUTELY INSANE!!! I was so happy for them, and it made for the literal best end to a semester I could have had. To top it off, my friends from back home popped out to the show without telling me, which was exciting cuz I hadn't seen them in quite a while! I had to pretend I wasn't trans and tell all my college friends to NOT call me by my new name, but simply not refer to me at all as anything! I explain the show in better detail here.

Something I didn't talk about in the show review though was what I did just before the show! Me and a few other friends all went to a local fast-food chain that I won't mention because it MIGHT be doxxing potentially, so we aren't going to do that! It was nice to have one last dinner with a bunch of my closest friends before we all had to go home for the summer. That Friday was genuinely one of the best days of my life if I'm going to be 100% honest. I don't really have any complaints about it at all. While there were some trials and tribulations, everything went as smooth as possible, and I genuinely loved the ability to get to have a proper send off that week. The show was literally everything I wanted and more, and will definitely be one of those shows I remember decades down the line.

I'm going miss my friends, but at least I feel like I'm mentally in a better place now than I was when I started this semester! I feel more like a functioning person than I've ever felt in my entire life, and I'm about to start working a job and start to progress on getting my driver's license, and I feel like I have a real social life again.

I'll get a bit emo here, as it never hurt anyone (probably), but I've always felt very outcasted and like I never really belonged anywhere. While I had (and still have) friends back here, and I care deeply about them and they care about me, I went into college at absolute ground zero, knowing full well all the people I knew in high school (except my closest friends) were people I were likely never going to see again, and that I didn't even know how to make friends anymore. I'm so proud of myself for branching myself out and making some real friends along the way. It's been such a great motivator for me to keep pushing forward. I'm going to be able to experience all of the things that I could only ever dream of experiencing when I was younger. I have things and people to look forward to, which has been great for my mental health and has really improved how I feel generally.

One thing I will say, I feel like I gave the impression I was doing worse mentally than I actually am at this point in time. If you're a friend reading this, I'm doing just fine! I'm used to pretending to be a boy lmfao, and it's not like my situation back home is the worst thing ever. It could DEFINITELY be better, but I'm not fearing for my life, nor am I fearing for financial protection/housing and livelihood. It just gives me something awesome to look forward to when I go back to college in the fall :)

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